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Emotional Immaturity and Anger
Management
In the past, ‘blowing off steam’ was considered a
healthy form of anger management, because it was believed to be
unhealthy to keep anger bottled up inside. Unfortunately, despite
evidence that blowing up does not solve problems (and causes trauma for
the others involved) some people still believe in so-called “Healthy”
expressions of anger, that often leave those at whom the anger is
directed, devastated in its wake.
People who can’t stand feeling helpless get angry instead. Anger and
adrenaline gives the illusion of being more in control of the situation,
when nothing could be less true. Getting angry instead of feeling
ashamed or anxious, allows people to avoid having to deal with the real
problem, but that does not make the problem go away, so the anger just
continues to spiral out of control, until it manifests itself in the
most negative aspects of poor anger management.
Some people with poor anger management skills believe they have the
right to vent their frustrations on others verbally, physically, or by
breaking things. Angry outbursts don’t alleviate the feeling of being
threatened, the fear, or the sense of betrayal that hides underneath the
anger. Angry people tend to block vulnerable feelings of hurt, sadness,
guilt and vulnerability, but the emotions often surface as anger, and
become a substitute emotion for the other emotions they keep buried.
A person who believes they have a right to vent anger on others never
quite matures, or grows up emotionally. They remain stuck in a
child-like reactive state when they feel frustrated, instead of
responding with positive anger management methods, respond with temper
tantrums, screaming, name calling, and responses that increase anger, by
causing the body to produce even more adrenaline.
Screaming may give a temporary relief from anger, but yelling, name
calling, and swearing never solves problems. In fact, the habit of
yelling breaks down natural inhibitions that most people have about not
acting out their harmful impulses. Habitual reactions, like yelling,
create pathways in the brain making it easier for the pattern to be
repeated, and gradually encroaches in every aspect of life. Hostility
breeds hostility, and open expressions of hostility harm not only
everyone in the path of the rage, they harm the person who has failed to
attain a level of maturity to learn effective anger management skills
most of all, by alienating those who truly love them.
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