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You know the situation: There you are at
a business or social function and you end up with someone
who you have never met before. Some people get amazingly
uncomfortable with this situation because they simply don’t
know how to start or carry on a conversation. Yet successful
people are always going to find themselves in these kinds of
situations because they are always stretching themselves and
putting themselves into situations to help them and their
businesses grow and that means meeting new people. So if you
are going to be successful, one thing you have to get down
is how to talk to anybody, anytime. Good news: It is easier
than you think!
First, a couple of things not to do.
One, don’t get flustered and excuse yourself. That is the
easy way out, and you never know if you didn’t just leave
who would have become your best friend or closest business
associate. Stick around! Secondly, don’t start talking about
yourself. Sure, introduce yourself, but don’t launch into a
half-hour monologue about your accomplishments. The other
person will either roll their eyes back into their head or
simply give you a new nickname: Joe “let me tell you a story
about myself” Schmoe. This leads me to the key.
Talk about the person you have just
met. Don’t talk about yourself – talk about them! And the
key is to ask questions. Now, there are obviously some
people you just will not be able to talk to because they are
absolute bores or they are angry or upset or something, but
I have found that that is only about 1% of the people, if
even that. For the most part, if you persist in asking
questions, you will be able to talk to anybody, anytime.
There are three segments to this
process:
Ask questions.
Find connections.
Go in those directions.
What you are trying to do is to find
common ground. What makes people afraid to talk to others is
that they are afraid they won’t have anything in common. I
have found that usually, if you ask questions for a minute
or two, you can always find a connection with someone, and
then you’re set. The worst that could happen is that you ask
the person questions for a few minutes and find nothing. But
what will that person tell others? That you seem to have a
genuine interest in others. That is a great reputation to
have!
That is another key here. You can’t be
a selfish, arrogant person and be successful. I am talking
true well-rounded success, not just collecting a pot full of
money.
The best way to describe this process
is to write out a mock conversation. You will notice the
kinds of questions I would ask, when I find a connection,
and how I would go in that direction.
“Hi, I’m Chris Widener. What is your
name?”
“Joe Schmoe.”
“Well, Joe, what do you do for a living?”
“I sell insurance.” (Possible connection here. Everybody
has insurance)
“Oh yeah? What kind of insurance?”
“I insure Oil rigs in the Adriatic Sea.” (Whoops. Lost
connection)
“Wow. That’s must be fascinating. Married or kids, Joe?”
(I have a wife and kids, maybe we can show pictures)
“No, actually, I’m single.” (It isn’t looking good yet)
“So, who do you know here at the party?”
“Well, nobody. I am the brother of the host’s
accountant. I’m in town for a week and my brother had to
make an appearance.” (It is going in the wrong direction
here)
“So where are you from?”
“Nebraska.” (Bingo, there it is. The connection! Now
let’s go in that direction)
“Really? My dad was from Nebraska. Even though he died
when I was four, my grandmother used to take me back to
visit my relatives every summer growing up. It sure was
a lot of fun. Were you city folk, or did you live on a
farm?”
“I grew up on a pig farm.”
“That’s what my relatives did! As a kid I always wanted
to ride one of those sows. Luckily my uncles never let
me attempt it.”
There you are. Now just start asking
questions about what they did growing up, how they liked it
etc.
If you get adept enough at asking
questions of others, you will inevitably find a connection
to talk about. And having something in common with someone
is the start to a long and mutually beneficial relationship
– one of the foundations of success!
I am in a career where I meet new
people all the time and this is exactly what I do. I am no
better conversationalist than most of you. It is just a
proven way of getting a relationship off the ground with
someone you have just met.
Here it is again:
Ask questions, find connections, go in
those directions. |